Single Dads

For your consideration:  a cautionary, personal tale about something that you shouldn’t hear about every day but possibly do, something that shouldn’t happen regularly but does, and something that that has a sad relationship to parents and adults in general. 

Earlier this week, I had the distinct pleasure (?) of being called for jury duty - something that I had put off in August thinking, “Maybe they won’t call me again.”  Of course that wasn’t true.  So you can imagine my shock when, after I was finally assigned to a courtroom, I was actually the first person selected to sit on the jury.  I believe that I actually had a public Homer Simpson moment and audibly said, “D’oh!” after my selection.

The case was a complicated one where the accused (a husband and father of one, soon to be two,) was being tried for assault on his pregnant wife.  Without boring you with an enormous amount of detail, the assault could have occurred, but there was little proof - no eyewitness testimony, no police report, no hospital reports, and no photographic or medical evidence whatsoever. 

There were other anomalies as well.  For instance, no one in the house full of people seemed to hear or see the assault take place.  The first officer on the scene of the alleged assault took place didn’t even appear in court.  Finally - and this seemed to be the kicker - the alleged assailant couldn’t even move his left hand, and this didn’t jibe with the vicious beating that the victim said she received.  In our 4 woman, 2 male jury panel, one of the women surmised in chambers, “You know, I think that she could take him in a fight.”

As the foreman, I ended up handing the judge our verdict of Not Guilty.  Justice seemed to be done.

But the down-shots?

- The husband, as a result of the accusation and subsequent police activity had lost any custody to both his unborn and two year old children,

- The marriage was almost certainly irrevocably shattered, and

- Immense amounts of money were spend and valuable time and freedoms were lost.

I’m sure that you can think of more.

Perhaps you are a single parent now who has problems with your ex, or perhaps you are a married or domestic couple who is presently having problems of some kind.  Think for a moment.  Do you really want to get to the point that I saw so painfully played out for me in court on Monday and Tuesday of this week?

Thus, I learned a couple of valuable lessons.  First, remember that post that I did a while back where one of the key learnings that I mentioned was trying to get along with your ex?  Turns out that I was completely correct.  Second, you do NOT want to ever go the legal route with family disputes - if you can avoid them.  Lives do get ruined.  Unless your case is concrete and reasonable people could not disagree with you - try to stop the problems before they get out of hand.

The classic “Good news, bad news” scenario in government continues.  I read the headline of this MSNBC article with a happy heart and skip in my step… until I read the punchline.

WASHINGTON - Congress approved legislation Thursday adding 4 million children to a popular health care program, setting up a veto fight that President Bush probably will win but handing Democrats a campaign issue for next year’s elections.

Here’s my point.  Who cares if there is a campaign issue for next year’s elections?  Wouldn’t it be a better, happier result if the kids that need to have health insurance actually have it?

Here’s a touch more from the article, which I suggest that you read, because I would rather that nothing be taken too much out of context.

Analysts projected the legislation would allow about 4 million of the estimated 9 million uninsured children in the United States to gain coverage.

Sounds expensive, but for some reason, that seems ok by me.  You can call me Pro-Kid.  A few billion dollars for heath insurance for kids certainly looks positive on the surface.  Perhaps it’s time to do a bit of research.

The news is full of information about the problems in the housing market, but the most interesting thing that I’ve read so far is something that I read in a recent article about the current crisis in foreclosures - that might have an impact on you, gentle and harried adults that you are (or might be):

According to the most recent foreclosure numbers released by the Mortgage Bankers Association (MBA), the U.S. is embroiled in the worst foreclosure crisis in recorded history. More than 14 percent of subprime borrowers are defaulting, and prime borrowers are beginning to follow suit.

MBA Report Summary

 

• The foreclosure rate recorded in the last quarter has increased beyond the highest point seen in the history of the MBA survey, which dates back to 1953.
• 14.82 percent of subprime borrowers are currently behind on their home loans.
• The highest percentage of foreclosures are on homes with 2/28 adjustable rate mortgages.

I found this on Homeguide123.  Shockingly, though, this is not the part that I’m referring to in the title.

These lines are the ones that shocked me.

‘Many blame subprime lending for our current real estate crisis, but rampant speculation, even by those with great credit, played a leading role,’ said O’Toole in a press release. ‘The subprime market took the first hit as those borrowers had the least to lose when they walked away. Now that nearly half of foreclosures represent non-owner occupied properties, it is clear that speculators are walking away too.’

It is true that non-owner occupied properties have been hitting the auction block in record numbers. Of the 9,477 properties auctioned in California last month, 44.3 percent of them were speculator owned properties.

Another shocker: 90.3 percent of the homes were bought or refinanced in 2005 and 2006.

90.3 percent of the homes were bought or refinanced in 2005 or 2006.

I rent.  I’m very glad that I do at this point.

Mid-2008 is sounding like a pretty good time to buy, however.

At least the cribs didn’t have lead in them or something, but I think that I’ve reached the end of my rope for products from China.

WASHINGTON - About 1 million Simplicity and Graco cribs have been recalled after three children became entrapped and suffocated.

The recall was announced by the Consumer Product Safety Commission on Friday, more than two years after a California lawyer says he alerted the federal agency about a 9-month-old who died in a faulty crib.

Via MSNBC.  Now for the kicker:

Products are safe’
Simplicity Inc., of Reading, Pa., manufactured all the cribs, which were made in China.

“We feel comfortable that our products are safe,” Simplicity President Ken Waldman said in a telephone interview.

The newer model cribs are safe, even though the 1-year-old died in one of the updated versions, Waldman said. “There are other factors involved with that case,” he said, refusing to discuss the details because of the investigation.

This could be a tough Christmas shopping for my girl, since there is a distinct possibility that I might only shop at locations where I can easily determine where a particular product is built without opening a box. 

On occasion, and sadly, not often enough, I derive enormous amounts of pleasure from snippets that I read on the Internet.  Most articles that you read about kids consist of the doom and gloom about teenagers - how kids are on drugs, or teens are robbing liquor stores and putting it on YouTube, or students are shooting up high schools and colleges, or kids are apathetic general.  You know the familar refrain.

This story is most definitely not about any of those topics.

This is a story about the best of our kids.

The Grade 9 student arrived for the first day of school last Wednesday and was set upon by a group of six to 10 older students who mocked him, called him a homosexual for wearing pink and threatened to beat him up.

The next day, Grade 12 students David Shepherd and Travis Price decided something had to be done about bullying.

“It’s my last year. I’ve stood around too long and I wanted to do something,” said David.

They used the Internet to encourage people to wear pink and bought 75 pink tank tops for male students to wear. They handed out the shirts in the lobby before class last Friday — even the bullied student had one.

Wait.  There’s more.

“The bullies got angry,” said Travis. “One guy was throwing chairs (in the cafeteria). We’re glad we got the response we wanted.”

David said one of the bullies angrily asked him whether he knew pink on a male was a symbol of homosexuality.

He told the bully that didn’t matter to him and shouldn’t to anyone.

This bit of good news comes via Fark from the Chronicle Herald - in Nova Scotia.  The only beef that I have with this is that it didn’t occur in the United States, so I could wave an American flag as I write.

Life imitates John Hughes.  Can real life have mid-80’s new wave music playing in the background?

Today’s Hope For Humanity Award is hereby given to high school students David Shepherd and Travis Price.  The world can learn a lot from you two kids.  I applaud.

I haven’t done a post on finances for a while, so I took a look about during a particularly uninteresting television program today and was pleasantly surprised to find this article on cashing out of the rat race early.

NO, IT’S NOTyour imagination: You’re working too hard. Bucking the trend in most developed nations, the American workweek has been growing longer. We put in an average of 1,815 hours a year — longer hours than even the Japanese, who have a word, karoshi, for people who die from overwork. The extra labor often translates into bigger salaries and more-secure retirements, but it also pours fuel on a fire as old as work itself: the dream of cashing out early.

While there’s no way to quantify how many of us are eyeing the exits, evidence suggests that more people are taking the idea seriously. Books about early retirement are steady sellers, and virtual communities of would-be escape artists thrive on the web. Fortunately, it doesn’t take an enormous nest egg to fund a life-changing move. We interviewed financial experts and early retirees to find out how to get out while you’re young.

Credit SmartMoney with the article.

I have a theory.  In the face of the facts that credit has tightened to a size 0 and that in order for people to buy property they need to be prepared to put 20 percent down on property (according to my friends in the real estate industry), and given the fact that my girlfriend and I have several money making gigs between us and still couldn’t afford a decent house in our town (Denver), and then add the fact that property values are shrinking and my homeowner friends are beginning to panic, I’m starting to think that the true American Dream is not to own property.

In fact, the true American Dream is to NOT have to work.

With that in mind, I read the above article with interest.  I would suggest that if you are beginning to think that perhaps getting out of the corporate world and into quality of life is not all that bad of an idea, instead of waiting for some unknown wealthy uncle to die and leave you everything, take a look at the article.

I found it quite interesting.

I’m betting that you will as well.

I originally completed this yesterday, but it got enough of positive response that I thought that it might be a good idea to post it here.

–

Yesterday was the anniversary of 9-11, which some Americans consider to be the most significant event in their lives .

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Six years after the September 11 attacks on the United States, most Americans view the plane hijackings that killed around 3,000 people as the most significant historical event of their lives, according to a poll released Monday.

Eighty-one percent of those surveyed said they see the attacks as the most significant historical even of their lifetimes, with more people on the east coast — 90 percent — choosing this view compared to 75 percent on the west coast.

The Zogby International telephone poll surveyed 938 people between September 6 and 9 and has a three-percentage point margin of error.

Thank Yahoo.

First, I’d like to say that 9-11 is most certainly NOT the most significant event of my life.  Number 1: Birth of my daughter.  Number 2:  Meeting my significant other.  3.  Birth of my nieces.  So.  To me, 9-11 is significant, it just pales in comparison to those events.

What I find notable about 9-11, however, is what events have happened since.  Here’s my list.
- One completely justifiable war (against the Taliban)
- One completely un-justifiable war (against Iraq)
- The wasting of an enormous amount of pro-American sentiment
- The pillaging of Bill of Rights and the Constitution
- The utter decimation of the health care system
- Virtual destruction of the public school system nationwide
- The creation of the Homeland Security Agency

When I think about how much money has been spent on the war on Iraq, I think of how the Taliban could have been completely wiped off the face of the planet, or how Osama could have been found, or how schools could have been improved, or how a national health care system could have been created.

The saddest thing about 9-11 is what has occurred since then.  We have wasted a lot of time, money, and lives.  9-11 is one of America’s greatest catastrophes… and the aftermath is one of our greatest disasters.  We should be ashamed.