A Man’s 9 Rules For Dating In His 40’s And My Response

On occasion, I like to look at Craigslist, which I consider to be one of the great Internet success stories of our time. Not only is it great for browsing classifieds (which is where I found not only a great end table set, but the wonderful home where I now live), but it’s also fantastic for other nuggets of human interest, like personals, jobs, and humor. Hence I was overjoyed to find in the Best of Craigslist a posting from my hometown, Denver, that almost demands a written response.

In this anonymous posting, a forty-something man gives his 9 rules for dating, and I have to say that this gentleman has a few solid points. I’m not going to simply repeat his rant here, but I did have a couple of items of note to mention, namely:

1. I never seriously date a woman who terminated her last relationship because she wasn’t “happy”. Happiness is an emotional response to external stimuli. To break the vow of “til’ death do us part” over an emotional state that may or may not be another person’s fault, is shallow and shows a lack of emotional maturity. It tells me that woman is too self absorbed to be a reliable partner in the future.

5. “Independent” women. I never date a woman who feels the need to tout her own independence. First, independent entities by definition do not want or need to be in any type of union with another entity. When the United States declared independence from Great Britain, we dissolved the ties that had connected us to the British. I myself am independent and feel no need to tell everyone about it. It is called being an adult. Being able to take care of yourself doesn’t make you special, it makes you “grown folks”. Second, if you are that independent, why are you looking for a relationship in the first place? Independence is the opposite of dependence and being able to depend on others is why we get into relationships of any kind in the first place.

7. I don’t date women who have their children full time. Might come across as a shitty attitude to have, but I see no need to be a full time father to someone else’s children and a part time father to my own. This is a personal preference I developed after having discussions with my own children. Mine have been through enough already, I’m the Dad and feel I am doing what is best for my children, they were here first.

One of the things that I found particularly interesting about this man’s rules was the completely different perspectives that my girlfriend and I had on the same topics. My significant other found this guy to be bitter; I, on the other hand, didn’t. I found him realistic. But I didn’t agree with him on EVERY point. For instance, as a single father, I found the part about not dating women that have their children full time a touch… loathsome. I can understand that a person might not want to deal with extra people coming between you and your own children, but it kind of seems like a problem of time allocation. I also suspect that men that won’t date women that have their children full-time are eliminating a possibly fantastic pool of empathic mates. Personally, I’ve found most single mothers to be great people that are very appreciative of male attention.

Naturally, his results probably varied.
My rules were not nearly as complex – of course, I have a wonderful significant other and am so out of the single’s market that I’ve forgotten what the market is like – but yes, I do have rules, some of which were at one point probably a little similar to this person’s own. It’s an interesting perspective on the culture of fatherhood, being single, and dating later in life that exists in world today.

13 responses to “A Man’s 9 Rules For Dating In His 40’s And My Response

  1. Point 3, not included in above text, is very bitter, see the Craigslist link. I agree there are some prima donnas out there but his points can be applied to both sexes. I’m not crazy about a keg stuffed into pants or religious fanatics either, and I admire a guy who likes to cook a great dinner as much as I do. I don’t know both sides of this guy’s story but maybe his wife took point 3 into account and took similar action.

  2. I agree with your girlfriend, he does sound bitter. I love this though! I have also found some very interesting Craigslist personal posts…this one is my favorite:

    “I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

    I enjoy procrastinating.

    I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

    I don’t care for sports or animals.

    I believe it’s okay to spit.

    I hate studying.

    I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

    I prefer to cut my own hair.

    I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

    I go to bed after midnight.

    I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

    I’m very organized and neat.

    I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

    I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

    I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

    I hate Rap/R&B.

    I hate Marijuana.

    I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

    This post just made me laugh out loud. He’s just putting all of his flaws out there. His one mistake – he didn’t offer up one good reason to date him, other than his sense of humor. Oh, the trials and tribulations of us singles…so much fun sometimes.

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  4. I agree with the person who said that Mr. 40’s and dating is bitter. I am in my mid/late forties who never wanted to be a singel parent. I waited for the right guy and the right time to have children (I have only one). Mr. Right turned out to be a closet drinker and a porn addict. My fault? I don’t think so. I like to give people the benefit of doubt. So here I am, not fitting in anywhere with my peers, because their kids are grown, and not able to relate to the 20-somethings who are just starting families. Talk about a lonely world. I’m independent because I’ve been forced to be. I have a nice figure and I care about a lot of things. I’m finishing my degree so I can take care of my child. I drink socially and don’t go to bars. I don’t smoke. I have pets and like them. The last guy I dated was wonderful in a lot of ways, but wanted to rein me in and tame me. He had major control issues. I don’t expect anyone to raise my child; I’m doing a good-enough-job, thank you very much and she actually does have a father. So there you go, Mr. 30’s and dating. There are nice, smart, pretty, slim, non-feminist types out there. Only she won’t be wanting to date a guy like you.

  5. That next-to-last sentence has a typo. Should say “40’s” not 30’s. See I make mistakes and can admit it.

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  7. Wouldn’t date him he sounds bitter

    independent woman means she wants you to know she’s not clingy and won’t spend your money , so that’s a good thing. Shame to throw it back in her face. Many women were brought up to emphasise their dependence, be pretty and act dim. She just wants you to know she’s not like that.

    Not being happy is a good reason to end a relationship unless you have kids – IMHO

    Any woman who has kids and doesn’t bother with then is well worth avoiding. Even he knows that’s a “shitty attitude”

  8. Good for women to know that there are rules for guys in this age but sometimes, rules like these don’t work. It really depends on the person. When one meets the “right one”, rules sometimes don’t apply.

  9. He sounds like a man that “tried” to date an independent single mother, but wasn’t able to handle it.

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