Deadbeat Dads Drive Me Crazy

When you are a single parent, frustration is a constant companion, which is oddly enough why no single parent should be lonely for even a minute. Besides the usual complaints:

– your ex, and the mother/father to your children,

– money,

– the nagging feeling that you’re doing something wrong as a parent

– money,

– seeing the job as a barrier to seeing your children,

– money,

– finding new companionship,

– the legal system,

– and money,

there are a host of other irritations. Some are much, much worse than others. I’m no exception to that particular mental state.

Lately, though, my biggest source of irritation is deadbeat dads – that is, those dads that have to pay child support for their children, sometimes with one woman, sometimes with several – and don’t.

I realize that child support is expensive. I pay it myself. Apparently, though, a lot of fathers seem to believe that they DON’T have to pay it. The way that I see it, this just makes my job as a responsible father much, much harder.

Single mothers, when told that I am a single dad, look at me with guarded suspicion. The legal system looks at me sideways, because I could always just “leave” and leave my daughter high and dry… even if that’s something I could never do. I am deemed to be possibly be not as good of a parent in part because of my testosterone level. The prejudice against fathers who want as much custody of their kids as possible is hard enough; add the stereotypical deadbeat dad into the emotional mix, and it creates an unfavorable position for me.

I’m a man working two jobs and a freelance position – none of which I necessarily do for my health. I participate in several community events and donate to several charities. My daughter has never been in any compromising position in my care, ever. I’ve never even just paid the minimum for child support for my daughter simply because I felt that I could afford a touch more – I give more when I can. I know child support is oppressive, Lord, do I know. I know that child support awards are unfair. I know that the system is bent against fathers. But so what? Work on changing the system if you like or if you can, but concentrate on helping the kids, first, because as dumb as the system might be, you still have your kids to worry about. Pay up, or negotiate.

In short, there’s nothing that I can’t stand more than a dad who can’t, or won’t, go out there and bust butt to make sure that their kids are being raised well when Dad isn’t around.

Deadbeat dads of the world, get with the program, or get out of the middle of the road. You’re slowing us down. And I promise, with my schedule, I definitely have someplace important to be.

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9 responses to “Deadbeat Dads Drive Me Crazy

  1. OK…Now you have my attention…Sounds like you take your responsibilities seriously ….and your “for REAL”…..now i want to listen…i love hearing about the other side, but only is its legitimate….i just put you in my favorites and will keep checking in…..thanks…t

  2. Pissed off single mom

    Todd Evert Brown is living in Ladson South Carolina he is a 31 year old deadbeat.
    Has 2 boys walked out on 4 yrs & 3 months paid nothing for 9 months before child support was ordered. Was ordered to pay $1,100.00 per month child support beginning Feb 9, 2007 as of today Aug. 8, 2007 has only paid just under $900.00 he is over $5,700.00 in arrears and an additional $1,100.00 as of Aug.9,2007 for a total of $6,800.00 He is UNEMPLOYED AGAIN,believed to be selling & using drugs.

  3. Thank you. Thank you for being a good dad. You see your daughter, think about how you act when you are together and pay your support and then some on time. You give me hope for the kids (including my own) suffering with parents who just walk away in every sense of the word. Kudos to you!

  4. Pingback: My Response To A Comment « Single Dads

  5. Could you elaborate on why you feel that single mothers look on you with guarded suspicion?

    I don’t think that I look at single fathers that way — and I’m having difficulty imagining why I would.

    I’m interested in hearing what prejudices, if any, you believe to be in operation between yourself and single moms.

  6. Re: Lola’s comment, single dads are often assumed to take a dismissive attitude when it comes to their children. Sometimes this is valid, other times, it’s not. I’m aware of the phrase “those who play must pay”, which also applies to women. If you have one unplanned pregnancy with someone unsuitable and still don’t get it, then stop feeling sorry for yourself!! Also guys, if you’ve had one unplanned child, don’t be pushy or believe “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill”. That line’s as old as dirt.

  7. We gave you our “Great Dad Award”
    🙂

  8. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

  9. I support a man who urges men to self check. Yes I am a single Mom . The child was planned . The relationship was established with an intent to marry was made. we were both over 35 and college educated. Dude disappeared saw me once during the pregnancy and my family and contacts that cld help were far. He had the nerve to be pissed that his last name was not on the certificate. Now i have the challenge on impressing on my beautiful child that this type of behaviour modelled is not acceptable and please do not spend time wasting your life in hate.
    Men who check their buddies are the only hope to stem this bad behaviour in this generation.

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